NUTSO!

Lately I've been reading a lot of weather reports. Ones that tell me that the mid-west is inundated with enough flood water to require another ark. Ones that tell me that there's enough of a heat wave going on in southern California to enable that geographical location to now be officially called 'Hell'. Then there are other ones that are telling me that there enough forest fires to make Smokey the Bear go into cardiac arrest. All I need now is for the Nile to suddenly start flowing like the rest of the rivers in the world and we can officially declare this planet NUTSO! If it gets any worse and there's a heat wave in Alaska, it will bring on a whole new meaning to the term 'baked Alaska'.

While I was on the phone with my mother this evening, she informed me that she could see white plumes of smoke bellowing over the tree tops....from her back yard. I don't know about you folks, but if a lightning caused forest fire is close enough for me to see bellowing plumes from the inside of my house, I'm packing up my shit and getting the hell OUT! My mother? Oh no, getting out would make far too much sense. No, she's decided that even though this is the closest a raging forest fire has gotten in 20 years to the property, she's going to stay right where she is... and pray it away.

Try to follow the above mentioned logic for a moment. Eight lightning bolts... EIGHT... strike the ground in the NEARBY forest, causing a raging forest fire. The fire is NOT contained and is therefore moving CLOSER to my mother's house. And, instead of being 'normal' and getting the heck out of there, SHE is deciding to sit her little butt right there and...wait it out. EXCUSE ME?
That's like all the people in Mississippi who sat on their front porches, watching the flood waters creep up their front lawns saying, "We'll be ok, it's not even to the porch yet".

It's at this point that the local news reporter usually interviews the village idiot, who, is walking chest deep in flood water, holding an umbrella. Need I say more?

I'm beginning to collect drift wood. Ya know, for the ark all those people are going to eventually need. When they run out of paddle boards....and umbrellas. *facepalms*